- Too much heat
- Itchy wool
- Having to sleep on the couch
- People who show up early
- People who are bad or sloppy dressers
- Being criticized in any way
- Violent movies
- Ungrateful children
- Losing their sunglasses
- People who steal the spotlight
If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
when im rich the first thing im doing is getting laser hair removal on every inch of my body that isn’t my head
you’ll look pretty funny without eyebrows
im at least 3% sure that my eyebrows r on my head
“pass me a joint”
i rip off my arm, crying as i pass the detached extremity to my friend
If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet